


once I'm through I'm left with just one thing to do

by Kroolea



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Grief/Mourning, Hera Syndulla Needs A Hug, Parental Hera Syndulla, SO SAD, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27525955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kroolea/pseuds/Kroolea
Summary: She picks up another photo, she smiles slightly at it. Kanan has his hand on Sabine’s shoulder, the two are rolling their eyes at Ezra.Hera misses them, all of them. She places the photo in the box, she’ll give it to Sabine.---Months after Ezra's disappearance, Hera decides to clean out his room.
Relationships: Ezra Bridger & Hera Syndulla, Hera Syndulla & Sabine Wren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28





	once I'm through I'm left with just one thing to do

**Author's Note:**

> This is so sad I'm so sorry
> 
> The title is taken from 'In The Bedroom Down The Hall' from Dear Evan Hansen. The last line is
> 
> "In the bedroom down the hall  
> I think I'll wait another day to pack these boxes  
> 'Cause once I'm through  
> I'm left with just one thing to do,  
> Remember"
> 
> Which is what inspired this whole mess

Hera avoids the door for a long time. At first, it was a coping mechanism, but by now she’s pretty sure she’s being selfish. 

She has room, she could take more rebels along on missions. 

But it’s  _ Ezra’s _ room. It still has his things and his clothes. The door hasn’t been opened in months. Sabine avoids it as much as Hera has. It will be in the same condition it was when he disappeared. 

Kanan's room was different. He didn't personalize his room so when Hera cleaned it to make it Jacen's room it wasn't a hassle. Ezra's room is decorated and is still uniquely his.

One day, Hera builds up the courage to open the door. She is armed with a bag for trash and several boxes for Ezra’s things. 

The room still smells like that over-scented cologne he insisted on wearing. She is pretty sure that the plate in the corner has more mold than she ever wanted to see. The pile of books stacked on the bed are the first to end up in a box.

Somehow, this is harder than flying into a battle.

She shoves his clothes into a box, trying not to pay too much attention to the way her body screams for her to stop.  _ Ezra is gone, Hera. _ She reminds herself as she sets one box of clothes outside the door. 

Hera hates herself for how attached she got. She was looking forward to seeing Ezra succeed and live his life free of the Empire. It was like watching a child head to university, something every parent dreamed and dreaded. 

She was never Ezra’s mom, Mira Bridger always held that place in his heart.

Hera hopes she was a close second. 

Ezra had so many holophotos. Hera has to choke back a sob when she opens his drawer and sees the “family photo” they took before Kanan died. They’re laughing.

Kriff, Hera can’t remember the last time she actually laughed. She's sure it had something to do with Jacen but she isn't sure.

She picks up another photo, she smiles slightly at it. Kanan has his hand on Sabine’s shoulder, the two are rolling their eyes at Ezra. 

Hera misses them, all of them. She places the photo in the box, she’ll give it to Sabine. 

Hera wonders if Ezra was scared. He rarely admitted to being fearful but sometimes she could just tell he was.

Her eyes fill with tears for the first time since coming in here. 

She misses him. She wants him back. 

Ezra was her son, whether he liked it or not. He was her youngest child and he was the baby of the entire family. Now he's gone and she has to continue to live and to fight for a cause.

She sits on the edge of his bed, remembering how many late night conversations they had. How he was so hesitant to fight for a helpless cause. 

Look at them now.

The boxes don't pack themselves.

Hera can't find it in her to put anything else into those damn boxes. She can't just box up everything she has left of her boy.

She can't handle this today. But something in her can't stop now.

When Sabine gets back that night she stares at the open door and boxes before looking to Hera. "D-do you need help?" Her voice is strained. 

Hera looks up and slowly shakes her head. "No. I don't think so."

Sabine nods before disappearing into her own room. 

Hera can't breathe as she blinks away tears.

Sabine finds her an hour later, surrounded by boxes. She sits on the floor and helps Hera fold Ezra's old clothes.

"I found something for you." Hera fishes the photo out of the box. Sabine takes it and looks at it.

Sabine is silent for so long Hera looks up to meet her teary eyes. 

"I miss them." Sabine's voice cracks. "I want them here." 

Hera sets the shirt in her hands down and leans over to hug Sabine. Sabine clings to Hera tightly. 

"I want them here. I'm tired of people saying they died for a good cause." Sabine sobs.

Tears begin to drip down Hera's face. "I know." 

"I see Jacen and I want to cry because he's not gonna have a dad. And I see me and Zen and I want to cry because Ezra isn't here. I'm so tired of wanting to cry." The words are forced because of her crying.

Sabine's words make something in Hera's heart break. "I know, sweetie. I really do. They would be so proud of us." 

Sabine nods. 

They don't pack any more stupid boxes. 

  
  


\---

  
  


Ezra's room sits untouched for years. Hera knows she should just suck it up and finish packing it up. 

She doesn't have a reason to finish. The war is over and there is peace. She doesn't need to transport rebels anymore. So, the room sits like that. 

Hera and Jacen move into an actual house and Hera thinks she should just move those boxes into an empty closet. 

The room stays sealed like a tomb. 

One evening when Jacen is playing with his toys outside a ship lands nearby. Hera doesn't recognize it so she calls Jacen nearer to the house. 

She quickly realizes it's Sabine and Ahsoka so she relaxes slightly. 

A blue haired man is behind them and Hera drops everything. 

"Ezra." She gasps, before she can stop herself she runs toward him, hugging him tightly. 

"I need to breathe." Ezra protests, Hera wipes away her tears and laughs. 

"I missed you, kiddo." 

"I missed you too."

Hera cries that night as Ezra explores his old room. She is leaning against the wall watching him fiddle with a gadget.

"I tried to pack this room up, you can see how well that went." She says, somewhat bitterly. 

Ezra smiles and Hera swears she can see Kanan in that expression. "I'm glad you didn't get rid of my stuff." 

"Of course, Ez."

**Author's Note:**

> *hands over tissues* I'm sorry


End file.
